It’s Tough to be a Man (Tora-san)
Along the Edo River
Tora: Cherry trees are blossoming. They remind me of good, old days. They are beautiful
every year. I had a big argument with my dad over something stupid 20 years ago. I
swore I wouldn’t be back here twenty years ago after he hit me in the head and made me bleed. I always remember my hometown in spring. As a kid, I ran around everywhere in town with my friends with runny nose. My younger sister is my only relative left after my parents and smart elder brother passed away. I procrastinated coming back here till today. Standing on the bank of Edo River, I feel warm in my heart. I was born and raised here in Shibamata, Katsushika, Tokyo. I was bathed to clean my body at my birth at Taishakuten Temple. My name is Kuruma Torajiro, but people call me Tora, because I am a journeyman with no stable jobs. I know you can’t get married because of me, my dear sister. I have always tried to be a good older brother with whom you won’t feel embarrassed but always failed. I shed my tears for my failure today again. The Sun will sink like my heart.
Festival in Town
Tora: Excuse me, lady. Excuse me. Hey, let me hold that.
Man1: What?
Tora: Don’t worry. Ladies and gentlemen, make some noises. This is Daikyoji Temple in
Shibamata. Let’s go, let’s go….
Man2: Mr., that man.
Man3: Never seen that guy.
Women1: Who is that?
Women2: Is he from here.
Gosei: He is pretty good.
Tora: Gosei-sama. You must be. Long time no see. It’s me. It’s Tora. A son of Heizo Kuruma, Torajiro, sir. Remember that kid you yelled at where he was trying to catch dragonflies in your garden? I am that rebellious kid, Tora, sir.
Gosei: Oh, I remember you.
Tora: Really? You remember. Thank you very much.
Aunt: Tora-chan! It’s you!
Tora: You! You are still alive! How is Uncle?
Aunt: He is doing well.
Tora: Good. Good.
In the House/Store
Tora: (Talking to Uncle&Aunt) I am back now. Lift your head. Please. Please. I would like to
see your face. Please. It’s been 20 years. My parents and my elder brother must have
given you a lot of trouble when they were alive.
Uncle: No, no, not at all.
Tora: I appreciate your kindness and apologize you for my absence over these years.
Uncle: Thank you very much.
Tora: I don’t know how I can thank you for raising my younger sister. As her elder brother, I
profoundly respect you and deeply appreciate what you did for her. Thank you very
much. Oh, ladies and gentlemen (neighbors) over there, please forgive years of my
foolishness. If we run into each other in the neighborhood from now on, please treat
me like your brother.
Let’s relax now that we’re done with our formal greeting.
Aunt: You’ve grown like a real man. I wish your dad and mom could see you now.
Uncle: Anyway we don’t have great stuff, but let’s start drinking. (Talking to the neighbors)
Oh, excuse me, please get in.
Tora: We don’t have anything special, but please get in. By the way, is she here yet?
Aunt: You mean Sakura-chan? She has to work over-time tonight.
Tora: Oh, yeah? Is she a secretary or something?
Uncle: No! Not at all. She is an accountant.
Tora: Ha? That’s a weird name.
Uncle: Have you heard of a company named the Oriental Electronics?
Tora: Uh-huh.
Uncle: She keeps the accounts on an electric machine.
Tora: Electronic!? Man, that’s got to be a decent job. Electronics is the new technology. I knew what it was. I just forgot it.
This is not a great gift but, put this on. This is an electrical health band that removes all
the poisons from your body. Really works well. Put it on.
Aunt: Is this really for me?
Tora: Yeah, of course.
Uncle: This is gold, isn’t it?
Taro: No way. If this was gold, it would cost more than twenty thousand dollars. I’m not making stuff up about this band. You’ll see what I’m saying if you put it on. These dots will clean your veins and improve the blood circulation. You feel better, don’t you?
Aunt: Yeah.
Tora: These will lower your blood pressure and cure neuralgia. They are great for sure.
Please come in and take a look.
Aunt: Hello, Sakura, you are home.
Tora: Sakura!
Sakura: Hello.
Tora: Sakura, are you really Sakura? Come on, it’s me. Don’t you remember my face? No?
Sakura: Um…
Tora: Sakura.
Sakura: Who is this person?
Aunt: Oh, dear, you don’t recognize him?
Tora: Look at me. That’s okay. I left her when she was five or six. Like people say, kids
always grow with or without their parents, man, she’s no exception.
Sakura: Are you my elder brother?
Tora: Yeah, that’s right.
Sakura: You are alive.
Tora: Sakura, I’m sorry I left. I am going to take a piss.
Uncle: The bathroom is this way.
Tora: I know. No worries.
Aunt: I’m happy for you.
In the Backyard
Tora: Don’t cry, my younger sister. Don’t cry…even though we left our hometown when were little.
Aunt: Sakura-chan.
Sakura: Yes.
Aunt: Come over here.
Sakura: Yes.
Aunt: Come here.
Sakura: I will go alone.
Aunt: No way. You can’t do that. The other party will with his whole family.
Sakura: There is nothing else we can do, though. We can’t ask them to change the date just because my uncle has a hangover.
Aunt: But if you go there alone, they are not going to like you.
Sakura: Don’t worry. I wouldn’t mind that.
Aunt: Come on. You have never gotten a better offer before.
Sakura: What are we going to do then?
Aunt: I told him not to drink much last night. He is just brainless and careless.
Tora: What’s going on?
Aunt: Sakura-chan has a meeting with a man for their possible arranged marriage today.
Tora: Sakura is…marrying. Who is that guy?
Uncle: He works at…
Aunt: You shut up, stupid drunk.
Uncle: Don’t yell. That will worsen my headache.
Aunt: Wussy.
Tora: Stop fighting. What does he do?
Aunt:? He sounds very nice. Sakura’s supervisor told us that the CEO of a subcontractor of the Oriental would possibly like to have her as the wife of his son. And he was supposed to go to the meeting with her, but….Sakura-chan is telling me she is going alone.
Sakura: I told you I didn’t like this offer from the beginning.
Tora: Are you saying arrange marriages are a feudalistic idea?
Sakura: What?
Tora: That’s immature to think of them like that.
Uncle: That’s what we are trying to tell her. Tora-san, could you go with her?
Tora: Me?
Uncle: That would be wonderful. In fact, it’s going to be at a hotel. I wouldn’t know how to act in those fancy places. I am afraid I might embarrass Sakura.
Aunt: That would be great. You are real brother.
Sakura: You must be busy today.
Tora: Umm, I don’t really have any plans besides brushing my teeth.
In a Taxi
Taro: Sakura, don’t feel surprised with an English word “Hotel.” They just have elaborate doors.
Sakura: That.
Tora: Oh…WHAT!
In a Hotel Room
Taro: What?
Supervisor: Kuruma-kun, you must be excited your elder brother is back home.
Sakura: Yes.
Supervisor: 20 years, huh.
Mr. Kamakura: What do you do now?
Tora: Me? Well, um, I’m in sales.
Mr. Kamakura: What kinds of sales?
Tora: I sell books.
Mr Kamakura: Are you in the publishing business?
Tora: Well, I publish books on laws and statistics.
Mr. Kamakura: That’s impressive.
Tora: Also, on English, hypnotism, mental tests, crimes….and so on. Don’t worry about my job. It’s so boring.
Supervisor: Please drink for our meeting.
???? Every March, when we have personnel transfers, everyone wants to work with Kuruma-kun. Like everyone wants to see sakura (cherry flowers), everyone wants her when they bloom.
Mr. Kamakura: That is certainly a unique name.
Sakura: Yes, but it is written with a Chinese character on my family register.
Supervisor: Oh yes, that’s right.
Mr. Kamakura: The character for the cherry flowers?
Sakura: Yes.
Tora: Yes, people don’t think Kuruma Sakura is a person’s name when they first hear it. They would be like, “Really, I didn’t know there was such a type of cherry trees called Kuruma.” The character, ‘Sakura’ is really interesting. The word consists of the characters of ‘tree,’ 2 ‘shells’, and ‘women.’ You could read it like, “Women on second floor hang over trees.”
Supervisor: That is very interesting.
Tora: Chinese characters are so fun to use. The character with ‘dead’ and ‘water’ makes that for urine. I call that ‘piss.’ ‘Dead’ and ‘rice’ make that for feces, but I call that ‘shit.’ The most interesting character to me is that ‘dead’ and 2 ’suns’ make that for ‘fart.’ I’ll tell you why this is. It is because farts sound similar to the pronunciation of the character of ‘sun.’
Sakura: Stop.
Tora: Want some beer?
Sakura: No.
Tora: You think this is funny, huh. Oops, this is a little too much. Hey, give me more. See, you must be wondering why a fine lady like my sister can have a screwed-up brother like me, boy.
Son: No, never.
Tora: You must be. We have two different mothers.
Supervisor: Let’s talk about this some other time, sir.
Tora: We have to talk about it now. Otherwise, Sakura would be embarrassed later. My asshole dad was a womanizer. My mother was a lowly geisha. He told me I was a result of drunken sex, I was dumb, and he was never hesitant to smack me. I was so mortified. It was messed up. I wish he had treated me better.
Ms. Kamakura: Excuse me.
Tora: Mom, where you going? To the restroom? Have fun. Have a great time. You wouldn’t want to break your bladder. I’ma go, too.
Sakura: Please behave.
Tora: No worries, no worries. I’ll be back right away. I’m so quick, everyone. This is almost art. I wish I could show how fast I eat and shit. I’ll see you later. Mom, which way did you go?