Love: Myths and Facts
Myth 1. Live together before marriage
to test the waters.
Life: The divorce rate isn’t any lower
for couples who have this trial run because marriage vows alter the psychological
make-up of the relationship. Walking out the door becomes harder, and
some people rebel against that ‘confinement.”
Myth 2. Religion is irrelevant.
People have successful interfaith marriages all the time, and neither of us
is religious anyway.
Life: time, and children, may lead you
to reconsider that indifference. The key is to confront the differences
from the outset to make sure you can overcome them in the long run.
Myth 3. A loving family means a loving
spouse.
Life: don’t marry the guy or girl because your
potential in-laws remind you of an episode of The Cosby Show. Family
closeness is a poor predictor of the ability to develop close adult relationships.
Myth 4. Sex and passion are essential
in a relationship only in the beginning.
Life: Sure, passion and sex level off over
the course of a relationship, but sustaining the spark in a relationship
may be more critical after years of living together.
Myth 5. Physical attraction, or “chemistry,”
is always unpredictable.
Life: Whom we feel passionate about is
often quite predictable. We look for someone who fulfills a specific
need, such as dominance, submission, affiliation or praise. Look beyond
the passion to make sure there’s more to the relationship.
Myth 6. The better you know one another,
the better you’ll communicate.
Life: Familiarity doesn’t necessarily improve communications.
For example, if the truth is painful, and revealing it leads to conflict,
we may resort to lying to our partner.
Myth 7. Help your partner get over low
self-esteem by bolstering his or her ego, not by criticizing.
Life: Rather than reinforcing feelings of inadequacy
by always agreeing with your partner, suggest ways he or she can break out
of the doldrums and take advantage of an ignored talent.
Myth 8. How you feel about your partner
and how he or she feels about you are two of the best predictors of a successful
relationship.
Life: To best predict a happy relationship.
Compare how your partner feels about you with how you would like him or her
to feel about you. If your ideal is too removed from fact, you may never
be satisfied.
From Robert Sternberg in Psychology Today
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