How to determine if a mate or date is a potential (or actual) batterer (Courtesy of Ann Landers April 5, 1999)
Be careful if your mate displays any of the following signs:
1. Jealousy of your time with co-workers,
friends and family.
2. Controlling behavior. (Controls
your comings and goings and your money and insists on "helping" you make
personal decisions)
3. Isolation. (Cuts you off from
supportive resources such as telephone pals and colleagues at work).
4. Blames others for problems (Unemployment,
family quarrels - everything is your fault)
5. Hypersensitivity. (Easily upset
by annoyances that are a part of daily life, such as being asked to work
overtime, criticism of any kind, being asked to help with chores or child
care)
6. Cruelty to animals or children.
(Insensitive to their pain and suffering, may tease and/or hurt children
and pets)
7. "Playful" use of force in sex.
(May throw you down and hold your during sex. May start having sex with
you when you are asleep or demand sex when you are ill or tired)
8. Verbal abuse. (Says cruel
and hurtful things, degrades and humiliates you, wakes you up to verbally
abuse you or doesn't let you go to sleep
9. Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde personality
(Sudden mood swings, and unpredictable behavior - one minute loving, the
next minute angry and punitive)
10. Past history of battering (Has hit
others but has a list of excuses for having been "pushed over the edge")
11. Threats of violence (Says, "I'll
slap you." "I'll kill you." Or "I'll break your neck.")
12. Breaking or striking objects (Breaks
your possessions, throws objects near or at you or your children)
13. Uses force during an argument.
(Holds you down or against a wall, pushes, shoves, slaps, kicks you. This
behavior can easily escalate to choking, stabbing or shooting)